mon petite oiseau

I feel like I need everyone else so much more than they need me.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 23:10:00 +0800

I am better off alone then. Nobody comes, and nobody leaves. I won’t get hurt that way. I won’t get to feel anything then.

I cannot wait for another three more weeks. I will get this done as soon as Su gets back to...

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 15:39:00 +0800

I cannot wait for another three more weeks. I will get this done as soon as Su gets back to Singapore.

The new cellphone can wait since I’d probably end up losing it again anyway. Karma isn’t done with me just yet.

I have a psychotic ex who calls me in the middle of the night, telling me that they have seen photos...

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:25:10 +0800

I have a psychotic ex who calls me in the middle of the night, telling me that they have seen photos of me on the Internet that are supposed to be private, by hacking into my accounts because I am “that predictable”, and scares me rocking to and fro in a corner by saying that the only reason why I go for people, is because I just want to be loved, that I am desperate to be loved and thus would go for just anyone.

What scares me wasn’t the fact that they have managed to hack into my accounts time and time again. What scares me was that whatever they said, could be right.

Font suggestions for the script tattoo I will be getting on my left rib cage in a few more weeks?

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:19:40 +0800

Font suggestions for the script tattoo I will be getting on my left rib cage in a few more weeks?

"Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everbody and just go someplace..."

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 13:49:34 +0800

“Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everbody and just go someplace where you don’t know a soul? Sometimes I feel like doing that. I really really want to do it sometimes.”

- Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

"I have become an altogether different person from the man I once was. Now I’m something, someone,..."

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 13:43:40 +0800

“

I have become an altogether different person from the man I once was. Now I’m something, someone, else. You might not notice me. I am in disguise. Mine is an old story.

Keats describes his “knight-at-arms” who fell in love with a beautiful maid, la belle dame sans merci, as having awakened “on the cold hill’s side.” I woke up there, too, alone. Like Keats’s knight, I was found “palely loitering” -beautiful phrase. Cold hill’s side. Palely loitering.

”

- Charles Baxter, The Soul Thief

"“I’m never getting married,” Tariq whispered. “Me neither,” said..."

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 13:34:44 +0800

“

“I’m never getting married,” Tariq whispered.

“Me neither,” said Laila, but not before a moment of nervous hesitation. She worried that her voice had betrayed her disappointment at what he had said. Her heart galloping, she added, more forcefully this time, “Never.”

“Weddings are stupid.”

“All the fuss.”

“All the money spent.”

“For what?”

“For clothes you’ll never wear again.”

“Ha!”

“If I ever do get married,” Tariq said, “they’ll have to make room for three on the wedding stage. Me, the bride, and the guy holding the gun to my head.”

The man in the front row gave them another admonishing look. On the screen, Alyona and her new husband locked lips. Watching the kiss, Laila felt strangely conspicuous all at once. She became intensely aware of her heart thumping, of the blood thudding in her ears, of the shape of Tariq beside her, tightening up, becoming still. The kiss dragged on. It seemed of utmost urgency to Laila, suddenly, that she not stir or make a noise. She sensed that Tariq was observing her- one eye on the kiss, the other on her- as she was observing him. Was he listening to the air whooshing in and out of her nose, she wondered, waiting for a subtle faltering, a revealing irregularity, that would betray her thoughts?

And what would it be like to kiss him, to feel the fuzzy hair above his lip tickling her own lips? Then Tariq shifted uncomfortably in his seat. In a strained voice, he said, “Did you know that if you fling snot in Siberia, it’s a green icicle before it hits the ground?”

”

- Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns

(via grohlbeard) Time to say goodbye, I guess. To what will...

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 08:40:00 +0800

(via grohlbeard)

Time to say goodbye, I guess. To what will never be.

Whatever happened between us in Zouk and Play, will remain back there. I cannot do this anymore.

It's a damn cold night

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 08:35:07 +0800

1. Not getting a text back

2. “I’m fine.”

3. Cancelled plans (or none at all)

4. Burning your taste buds

5. The wind

6. “I’m sorry, what was your name again?”

7. Turning the radio station to the end of a good song

8. Pretending it doesn’t hurt to be alone

"Deinde, ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen."

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:19:24 +0800

“Deinde, ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.”

- “Te absolvo,” he said. “You are absolved.”

I will get this inked, perhaps on my left rib.

Have you ever felt so alone admist friends and people? I realised two things this evening: 1) I am...

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 03:24:30 +0800

Have you ever felt so alone admist friends and people? I realised two things this evening:

1) I am alone.

2) I don’t really like being alone afterall.

Help?

"So, let go, let go Jump in Oh well, what you waiting for? It’s all right ‘Cause..."

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:18:00 +0800

“

So, let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

So, let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

”

- Frou Frou, Let Go

One of these days, I will attempt bungee jumping, or at least that scary-looking ride at Clarke Quay. Because I have been told that to attempt suicide, and be it a failed attempt or to finally succeed, either way would be a sin, and sinners go to Hell. The friends and people around me have been telling me that those whom I have love and lost are all in Heaven and that would be the reason as to why I am unable to take the plunge and get it over and done with, no matter how much I cry and how much I want to take my own life away in the middle of the night when I wake up screaming, literally screaming. I am tired, so tired. I have yet to sleep and it has been so long since I remembered actually sleeping.

I will find someone to attempt that scary ride with me on the 18th, so that I can scream to my heart’s content, perhaps once and for all. Perhaps so that I can march right up to the Devil himself and tell him that I have just cheated his minion, Death.

"J’veux ton amour I don’t want to be friends I want your love I don’t want to be friends"

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 01:18:09 +0800

“

J’veux ton amour
I don’t want to be friends

I want your love
I don’t want to be friends

”

- Lady GaGa, Bad Romance

Sometimes I’d like to think that the music in my...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 08:44:53 +0800

Sometimes I’d like to think that the music in my iPod’s better to dance to, for me at least.

PS Which is why Theo, I am always plugged in and dacing to my iPod at youknowwho’s parties.

J'veux ton amour, mon Ronin.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 01:44:00 +0800

I want to do something to my hair but I have absolutely no idea. Sometimes I wish I am an albino like my friend Levan so that I could dye my hair insane colours like bubblegum pink/bright blue/grey-ish purple/stark white, without killing my hair (and looking stupid).

Or be a redhead with green/blue/grey eyes.

Audio

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 20:11:39 +0800

Audio

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 08:41:50 +0800

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and..."

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 08:34:45 +0800

“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why God? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, “There’s just something about you that pisses me off”.””

- Stephen King, Storm of the Century

"Isn’t wine prohibited here?” the boy asked. “It’s not what enters..."

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 08:29:13 +0800

““Isn’t wine prohibited here?” the boy asked.
“It’s not what enters men’s mouths that’s evil,” said the alchemist. “It’s what comes out of their mouths that is.””

- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

It’s a lot easier to be lost than found. It’s the reason we’re always searching...

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 01:37:35 +0800

It’s a lot easier to be lost than found. It’s the reason we’re always searching and rarely discovered— so many locks not enough keys.

— Sarah Dessen, Lock and Key

Why is it that no one believes me when I proclaimed that I am and will be swearing off partying and drinking until the 18th coming December? I am not, as quoted from a friend, “a true blue alcoholic”.

But main point: You all have to be there on the 18th; I am going all out that night. Because this is a really huge sacrifice I am making (for the Devil’s sake, I am feasting, actually feasting, on oats in soy milk and butter cookies to curb the insane craving).